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October 10th, 2007 February 15, 2007
November 14th, 2006
July 31, 2006 My babies sick today. I hope she feels better. It's been a while since I've updated my blog. Life has been good. I am so very in love with the most amazing women I have ever known. My heart is experiencing emotions that it has never felt before. I've never been more sure about anything, then I am about Sarah. I pray thank you to god for bringing her into my life. I pray that everyone may, if they are willing to endure, meet the one who makes their soul feel the way Sarah makes my soul feel. Insomnia remains, depression is persistent, nightmares still there, sinus infection lately, but all and all, I couldn't be more thankful just to be alive to share these moments with her. If for some reason I am wrong, though I am sure I am not, but if, I will never be able to love again. Like ambrosia. Once you taste the sweetest food, you will hunger no matter what is on your plate. April 7, 2006
So I met the most wonderful women 5 weeks ago
and have been enjoying the most bliss and joy I think I have felt in as
long as I can consciously remember. What a lucky man I am....
She fell asleep tonight while we were watching Outside Providence.
She's beautiful when she sleeps. I feel like a little kid
sometimes. She's beautiful all the time. I guess all I can
say is wow. Thank you God for allowing our paths to cross.
.... Other news.... Taking the GRE on Tuesday and then
its back to booking shows for May and through the summer. Any
ideas on where to play? Look out for my new band, The Paste Eating
Elmers. March 21, 2006 Arrgh…
I miss her…. I know it’s only for a week and it’s only been three
days… but I miss her. I wish I hadn’t had to do all those anti-war
activities the same day she was leaving. Speaking about the war
requires me to bring myself back to it. It’s so sad… all those
children….. all that suffering…. Why do human beings treat each other
so badly. So I didn’t feel as cheerful and as bright as I had been
feeling. Now I wonder how far that sadness spreads. It washes over me
like a dark cloud and permeates my very existence. All I can do is wait
for it to release me. I don’t know if I’m going to do any more talks
for a while. I’ve been too happy spending time with the most wonderful
woman in the world. I hope nothing changes via this vacation. I don’t
think it will, but who am I to predict the power of love. No shows for
a while. I’m on day 2 of quitting smoking. Please don’t feed the bears
and don’t give Jason Moon any cigarettes. Love to all those who
suffer.
March 8, 2006 So I
was lying in bed trying to fall asleep tonight and I noticed I was
feeling a little strange. I was all giddy and smiling. I thought maybe
it was the coffee I drank. I usually don’t drink coffee after noon.
Then I thought maybe I was just worn out from a day with my energetic
son Dylan. And then, it hit me. I have a case of the warm fuzzies.
Wow, the warm fuzzies. Haven’t had a case of those in a while. Smiling
in my sleep.
What a wonderful night. Its funny how life has so many turns and twists
and then every once in a while comes to us so simple and pure. There is
always light and darkness in life. When we are surrounded in darkness
we find relief in knowing that no matter how dark it is, there is always
light near by, even if we can’t see it through the eyes of our immediate
situation. So when we see light all around us, are we then justified in
presuming that darkness still looms? The ancients knew that chaos is
never totally defeated. The Egyptians worshiped Seth, brother of
Osiris, even though he stood for chaos, even though he murdered his own
brother and put out the eye of Horus. The Pharaoh held, with his flail
and crook, at the head of his/her staff, the symbol of Seth, ruling the
two lands between the rivers with the soul purpose of bringing harmony
to the universe. Symbolizing that, though darkness is never concurred,
through love and patience it can be subdued. They did this not out of
admiration, rather out of respect. In the beginning there is always
darkness. This is the magic of the creation story; pulling from the
nothing, something. Having been a dreamer my whole life I always try,
now at least, never to get too excited about anything. Today I feel
confident in saying that I have met a very wonderful person. I feel
grateful towards life, and the chaos behind it, because I know I am in a
very unique position. No matter what becomes of this new friendship, no
matter how far it may go, my life will be richer for the experience.
What a beautiful place to be. “What a wonderful world it would be.” March 2, 2006 What a
day at work. Tonight it’s relaxation.
The Lights Band at Barley & Hops tonight. Going to hang with lil
sister. Lizzy, the wise purveyor of Hindu wisdom and
creator of kind clothes and gifts, listener of long cosmic phone
calls. Going to call it a night early. Spending the weekend with my
son. Looking forward to Laser Tag with gep. Only a true rock star
would be so glad to get married that his bachelor party would be laser
tag and a grill out. He’s definitely taken off the leather pants. Good
for you gep & Dee. Wish I could come to the island and play you love
songs for your wedding/honeymoon trip. Look for Jason Moon @ the
New Moon March 10th. CD Release party. More to come soon.
March 1, 2006 I enjoyed
having lunch with my good friend Bob, although I think it’s his turn to
buy. I had an especially great cup of French Vanilla Cappuccino at the
New Moon, although I enjoyed ordering it more than I did drinking it.
Maybe it wasn’t so much the coffee. After that I had a hard time not
smiling all day, even with a mild hang over and work getting more
intense as deadlines approach. I came home and wrote a song. Last
night I told a friend about a decision I had made, which was probably
not the wisest decision I’ve ever made. She welled at me for about an
hour. That’s when I began to think maybe I should be more careful who I
choose to be honest with. Is that dishonest? With holding honesty?
Some people set out to hurt you; others hurt you and are oblivious to
the fact that their doing it. I love em' just the same. So anyways, the
song is about all these people who recently keep telling me that I
should spend sometime alone getting to know myself before I try to go
back out and get to know someone else. I can appreciate their
opinions. They, the ones who say this, all seem to be a little bit on
the, “in it for #1, out to get mine” side of life though, which I can
totally respect, but that just isn’t me. I agree that you need to be
alone sometimes and cool with yourself. That doesn’t necessitate that
you can’t also want to find someone to share your joys with. And not
everybody who really wants to meet someone special is confused about
their own sense of self. Is it so strange that I don’t care to spend my
life alone, and that I take an active, sometimes over excited and
rambunctious approach to remedy this? Soul mates, anyone. Did I miss
the memo when we all decided we’d become to jaded to hope? Every time
so far that I’ve reached for the light I’ve fallen into the flame.
Sometimes
it was my fault, sometimes theirs, and sometimes something as simple as bad
timing. Sometimes it’s burned only on the surface, other
times it’s
scared quite deep. I've never thought for a minute that it was
love that was burning me, rather the way in which I reached for it. Should I allow this to stop me? What
sense does it
make to alter the goal when it is the very nature of my being. Rather I
think I’ll just alter the approach. No need to stop believing in it or
wanting it, just maybe trying relaxing a little more and accepting that
all you can do is what you can do. What others do is what others will
do. Be yourself, be honest, take a few deep breaths now and then, and
keep on trucking. Trying not to get to excited while enjoying being excited.
Hoping without getting your hopes up, or at least not to high. I’ll post the lyrics to the new song soon. Hope to see you all at the
PCP on March 11th. Feb 28th, 2006 So
when I got back from Iraq 04/04, I was very sad. I didn’t like the lack
of humanity I saw exhibited in my fellow soldiers towards the people,
and more specifically towards the children of Iraq. I was very sad. I
didn’t want to be sad. I had waited a year to be back to my life. I
just wanted to pick up where I had left off. The sadness wouldn’t go
away. So I went to the VA and they gave me anti-depressants to deal
with the sadness. I had taken them for almost two years. Two weeks
ago, as I was losing someone very special to me, I decided to stop
taking the anti-depressants. Abruptly stopping medication of this kind
is highly not recommended. I’ve experienced some times recently that
have been rather intense. It’s been quite a crazy time. Withdrawing
from anti-depressants is like having someone dumps freezing cold water
on you everyday and trying to tell yourself your warm. Things have been
getting better. I feel as though for the first time in quite a while I
am alive again. I hope to be able to express some of the sadness that
I’ve carried. In the mean time life has continued, as it always does,
and I find myself in a state of flux. I’m hesitant to pursue that which
most moves me, and reluctant to give up on those things which I hold to
be so true. In the absence of compassion, it would seem, we develop
remorse. I can’t regret anything anymore. I’m in love. I always am,
all the time. In love with life, in love with love, and in love with
hope. Recently I’ve had a hard time believing that it is beneficial to
continue to hope for some greater good. That maybe the world is in fact
a painful place to exist. I see people, who love. I see them and they
stick out like neon on an unlit street. What do we do then? My heart
tells me there is no other option but to continue to believe in love.
Reality seems to say different. Is it ok to take some time off from
loving the world? Can you stop believing just for a little while? If
you love, are you condemned to suffer until you find what you’re looking
for? Am I foolish to think that there is love out there for me? I
don’t know. I know I appreciate all my friends who love me. I had a
fun fat Tuesday, hanging out with Sara and Nate, Lisa, norm, sherial.
Seeing wise and sexy crystal is always a joy, although I miss being able
to have real conversations outside of the bar. I ran into Jenni Ryan, I
hope she’s doing well. I think I need to try drinking some Belgian
white beer soon. I think I like being inspired again. Music, friends,
and compassion. I just hope that if I’m a fool for believing, that I’m
a realistic fool. “I have been a fool for lesser things”… Feb 27th, 2006 Had a
great time playing with Thacia at Legend Larry’s in Sheboygan. They
have a nice little martini bar in the basement. It’s the perfect little
space for music. Thanks to Mike Willis for setting that up. Acoustic
artists should contact mike via Legend Larry’s to talk about
performing. It’s the perfect space for music that you listen to.
Thanks to the Manitowoc crowd for coming by. I hope I’m still invited
to Birthday party, Dylan wants to hang with Willow and I want to flirt
with her cute momJ. I got a
show coming up at the Water City Grill, I’m thinking about asking Baer
to play it with me, maybe Fast Eddie too. Other than that I’ve been
trying not to take life to seriously, recovering from a broken heart,
and trying to figure out where to go from here. Any suggestions? I’m
thinking of starting a chat room, also another blog do discuss more
about the war and non-music stuff. What do you think? Should have my
new CD at exclusive company soon. Feb 26th, 2006 Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy. Feb 25th, 2006
Jason Moon is experiencing technical difficulties today. We are
going to break for station identification. What a fun show at Cranky Pat’s. Thanks to everyone that came. I went a little overboard with the Rumplemintz, but that will happen once and a while. Bear was great, and Fast Eddie was as fast as ever. It’s a shame he had to leave. It was nice to meet some new people. Some of Nikki & Shane’s friends, one of whom I apparently partied with long long ago. Nice to meet Bear’s friend Sara. What a beautiful human being. Adorable, cute as a button and one of those personalities that radiates genuine goodness. Brightness up the room. One of those people you meet and within 2 minutes you know there is nothing fake about this person. Not to babble, just always happy when I meet someone who shines in the world. I’m enjoying playing solo again and splitting the shows with other artists. I’m excited to play with Thacia in Sheboygan tomorrow. I’m going to try to keep my blog updated more. I’ve had some crazy stuff going on in my life lately and think its time to get it out. And I really don’t think anyone reads this all that much anyways. I’ll fill ya in later. Got a new CD out. “Poverty” I’ll have it up on the web page soon along with some pictures. Carry less and let go of more Jason Moon Feb 17th, 2006 HEARTBROKEN RAMBLINGS (This song about sums it up) So I got my heart broke again and I thought I’d share some reflections on it, of what I learned. Two really important lessons. #1. Physical attraction can develop with someone special, even if its not there in the beginning. With out going into an in-depth analysis of the sociological factors involved in what affects what I find sexy, or debating the shallowness/reality of the need of a person to find there mate sexually attractive, I admit I have a new understanding of what sexy is. I had an image in my mind of what sexy was and if women didn’t fit that type I didn’t consider them as someone I could date. The thought being if I don’t find someone attractive now I never will and eventually it will lead to stress in the relationship. My recent relationship was with a women who didn’t meet the standards of what I had predetermined as sexy, however she was such an amazing and wonderful women that I couldn’t not pursue. Much to my surprise, the wonder of her being was so great that my eyes were opened and what once didn’t fit my definition of sexy became the subject of my fantasy. I openly fault my own instinct for the original non-attraction. Strangely though, what I find attractive hasn’t changed. It only changed in terms of being with her. So if I met the same women with a different soul, I still wouldn’t feel an initial sexual attraction. I’ve learned, maybe immaturely quite late, that not only is it what is inside someone that matters, but when you really meet someone who you find so wonderful on the inside, nature prevails and you will find yourself longing for what is on the outside. #2. There are two kinds of trust which I need in a relationship: two types of honesty. Honesty in terms of sexual fidelity; "I’m not having sex with other people", and honesty in terms of ones feelings; "I love you" means I love you. I had gotten burnt really really bad with my divorce and have had a hard time trusting ever since. This recent relationship has made me realize that trust in terms of fidelity is not an idea but rather a place. It is made internally within and not through observation or conjecture. To trust that your partner is faithful is something you do, not something they do. If they are unfaithful you’re not going to know, you can’t stop em, and unless they or someone else tells you, you’ll never know. So the only thing you can do is believe them and accept the risk. Attempting to pay attention to anything they say or do in the hopes of finding clues to their fidelity will only serve to make them feel un-trusted, which defeats the whole point of trust. I had this backwards. However, honesty in terms of ones feelings is something that is expressed through actions and not through words. My most recent relationship was full of kind words: I love you, I want to be with you, and very empty of action. In terms of a women being honest with you about how she feels about you, words are cheap. I was being told I was loved and being ignored and starved of affection. In the end it turned it wasn’t love at all. Had I paid attention to the lack of love being expressed in action (I’m not talking sex here), rather than believing in the verbal expressions, I wouldn’t have gotten my hopes up. If I had only gone on what was given, rather than what was said, I would have known all along that it was just a fling. The greatest confusion I think comes when you confuse the two types of trust mentioned above. If you want to know if they love you, look at the love they are giving you. It will be directly proportional to their true feelings, even if they are saying otherwise. If you want to know if they are faithful, ask once, then either believe completely or leave. It’s really that simple.
If you say love someone one day, and then can’t say it the next, you don’t really know if you love them. If you don’t really know if you love some one, it is obvious that you don’t really love them. If you don't really love them, you shouldn't be saying it in the first place. This is called lying. Ignoring someone, leading someone on, or the act of intentionally standing them up repeatedly in an attempt to hurt them so they will go away, are childish, irresponsible, and selfish ways of ending a relationship. How you end a relationship is the most telling sign of how you really felt about the person. (Hence why a relationship built on true love don't end, or rather end when one of the people in the relationship dies.) If you don’t know what you want in life, you can’t know that you want some else in your life, but then again you can’t know that you don’t. If this is the case, you shouldn’t play with other people’s hearts, especially if they do know what they want and have communicated this to you. If your girlfriend doesn't want her friends to know that your her boyfriend, it's because she doesn't want you to be her boyfriend. If your girlfriend tries to keep you separate from the rest of her life, it's because she doesn't really intend on you ever being part of the rest of her life. Never use a salt and pepper shaker to explain to a women that your not looking for a casual relationship. There are real women out there who are beautiful and wonderful people. You are lucky if you get the chance to be loved by one, even if it is only temporary. Slow down, you move to fast, you have to make the moments last.
Feb 15th, 2006
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